Promise to myself

I've been slack and haven't posted for a while. I've been busy getting things organised to go back to work, looking after my twins, cooking and exercising. I really need to consistently post cause I feel it is very beneficial to me as I'm not a big talker when it comes to things about me. It's probably more that I always turn a conversation to the other person so I don't have to admit things out loud.

I've been reasonable good in the last week but definitely not up to the standard I set the week before. It has gone from being close to 40 degrees to being wet and dreary. I'd normally just workout at home when its raining but my brother has moved back home until his visa is approved to go to Canada. He kind of has set up shop in the lounge room with no chance of doing something else. I've still exercised but not enough  and not every day. Although I've spent two days moving furniture and boxes of resources to set up my new classroom which raises more then a little sweat.

Something that I need to put out there although I'm very scared to admit it is that sometime I indulge in food and feel so horrible afterwards that I make myself be sick. Today was one of those days. I spent the morning setting up things in my new classroom and I was running late to get my haircut. Instead of eating the food I had planned because I ran out of time, I stopped into KFC and got a large chips. I didn't enjoy it at all  but kept eating anyway. When I got home I had to be sick. I felt so horrible and guilty that it needed to come out. I'm making a promise here and now that I will never do that again.

I have always had body issues. There was always something that I didn't like about myself. When I was about 15 a girl I knew was talking about the easiest way of losing weight and vomiting was one of them. Ever since then I've always done it from time to time. I was never a very big person. I was always short and tiny but because I am so short every time I put on a tiny bit of weight people would notice.

I really started putting weight on when I hit my 20's. I was 22 and had been in a long term relationship and we had built a life and were getting ready to get married. Out of nowhere my partner told me he didn't think he wanted to do this any more. It was a slam in my heart that had come from no where. He told me that I'd put on weight and wasn't really attracted to me any more. I was devastated and had to move back home which was even more deflating. I sunk into a depression which took me a long time to climb out of. I always put on an outward happy appearance but have never been happy with my body.

My husband has always loved me for who I am and would never make me feel horrible for putting on weight. With the birth of our twins, I have realised that I want to be a "yummy mummy" and most of all I want to set good examples for my babies. My husband has recently lost 20kg and now we are working together to lose the rest of the weight for both our sakes. It definitely makes a difference having his support.

I have jumped all over the place with this post but the 2 mains things I promise myself:
1 I will never be sick because I've indulged in something I shouldn't
2 I will get to my goal weight and be a 'yummy mummy' for my kids.